If you are a high achiever or workaholic, take a few minutes from your busy schedule to think about whether it’s all worth it. Are you happy? What are you chasing after? And especially, what are you trying to prove? Is what drives you to succeed also your downfall?
The perpetual search for excellence is a dependence that brings us to take only calculated risks in order to avoid failure. Type A personalities want to succeed at all costs—there is no place for trial if there is potential for failure, because failure is not an option. They can even go so far as to manipulate their environments to make sure they continue to maintain their own high performance standards and gather all the accolades.
Harvard professor Tom Delong** suggests creating a schedule and differentiating what is urgent from what is important, and focusing on relationships instead of the task at hand. For someone with success in mind, this is like jumping into a void.
I know people who have made the leap, no longer able to stand the constant pressure they were subjecting themselves to. With a push from a flash of insight, they quit their jobs, sometimes just in time and sometimes too late—the latter suffering from burnout or worse—going from high achievers to losers. Those who managed to work out their problems had a long and arduous road to recovery, with relapses along the way, but their decision ultimately led them to a better balance.
Nadine quit her job in January, just before it was too late. Deciding to take a break, she took a leadership training class, instead of “finding herself” by trekking in Nepal or going on a retreat. It was a way to free herself from her date book. On returning, instead of turning off her BlackBerry, she accepted all the breakfast, lunch, coffee and other meeting requests she could, once again filling up her schedule, so much so that she was even busier than before. A month later, she took a vacation, but having committed to running a marathon two months later, spent her entire vacation training. Once the marathon was over, she received several job offers for great, high-responsibility jobs—the kind that can’t be turned down. She forced herself to refuse the jobs but accepted contracts, lots and lots of them. Once again, she found herself busier than ever.
For six months, she lived in a whirlwind of activity. She managed her transition true to her “high performer” mentality. Then one day, just like that, she started saying “no.” She realized that she alone was responsible for her schedule—not her clients, and not a boss. She set aside a day a week to do nothing except go for walks, sleep, exercise, or read. She went to the movies and read a lot. The “corporate deprogramming” process had begun, three months after leaving her job.
She gradually started appreciating the moments of silence and doing nothing. Her days once again took on meaning. She cut down on business meetings by half, and slowly learned to prioritize, realizing that everything does not need to be delivered right away. She learned to differentiate between URGENT and IMPORTANT. She learned that there are ultimately few real emergencies and that what was important was what held meaning for HER.
I recently ran into John (not his real name) in a downtown restaurant. He started out on his professional reinvention journey nine months ago, going through exactly the same process as Nadine. Although he said he was happier and appreciated spending more time with his family while working actively, he confessed that he still felt guilty about no longer being in a strict production-implementation mode. He liked not having business meetings at 7:30 in the morning, but felt strange about accompanying his son to soccer at 4:00 p.m.
When you are a high achiever, breaking free of the corporate mindset is an ongoing struggle to be conducted with resolve and determination.
George recently passed the 12-month mark. He has just accepted a position as CEO of a small business. Every day, he enjoys a 90-minute breakfast with his children, and lunches with his management team. He now knows what makes him tick and what makes him happy. He is a well-liked and respected manager who has not had to effect a major life change to provide his life with meaning. He surrounds himself with high achievers, because he knows how valuable they are, but keeps tabs on them to temper their passion for work. He recently told me how much he felt he had gained in maturity and wisdom, because ultimately, what do we have left but the impressions we leave behind? It is better to provoke inspiration than overwhelming admiration in those who would never want to take our place because of all the sacrifices we have made to get to where we are.
**Harvard professor Tom Delong, author of Flying Without a Net: Turn Fear of Change into Fuel for Success, provides an excellent definition of high achievers. Recognize anyone?
Are you a high achiever?
(** Source: http://hbr.org/2011/06/managing-yourself-the-paradox-of-excellence/sb1)
Some behaviours that help you succeed can also get in your way. The classic high achiever is:
Driven to get results. Achievers don’t let anything stop them. But they can get so caught up in tasks that providing transparency to colleagues or helping others feels like a waste of valuable time.
A doer. Achievers believe, often rightly, that nobody can do it as well as they can. That can make them poor delegators—or micromanagers.
Highly motivated. Achievers take all aspects of their jobs seriously. But that means they often fail to distinguish between the urgent and the merely important.
Craving of positive feedback. Achievers care intensely about how others view their work—but they tend to ignore positive feedback and obsess over criticism.
Competitive. An appetite for competition is healthy, but achievers obsessively compare themselves with others, which can lead to a chronic sense of insufficiency, false calibrations, and ultimately career missteps.
Passionate about work. Intense highs can give way to crippling lows. For achievers, it’s a fine line between triumph and agony.
A safe risk taker. Achievers aren’t likely to recklessly bet the company on a risky move, but they may shy away from the unknown.
Guilt-ridden. Achievers are driven to produce, but no matter how much they accomplish, they feel like they aren’t doing enough.
If you answered most of the questions with an honest “yes,” your “corporate deprogramming” (I prefer this term to “detox,” but both essentially refer to the same thing) will take six to 12 months. It depends on your degree of “sickness” and whether you comply with the treatment with as much engagement as your high achiever persona.
Nathalie Francisci, CHRP
Board Director, Speaker and Colomnist
www.nathaliefrancisci.com